My mind and body both haven’t recovered from the mauling I had undergone from the masseur , who observed ,while furiously digging into my chest claiming it seemed my fat was too adamant! I mean , what the hell is that even supposed to mean? If you did not follow, make sure you read the first part, as to know how I came to such a horrific situation. As for the rest of you , let me entertain your sadist minds! 😦
After being tied with nothing but the white piece of translucent loin cloth, he made me sit on a chair. I was burning in shame and mortification as I sat down. He came straight opposite to me and my horribly imaginative mind, again brought forth the most sickening of thoughts and images . But then he plonked something warm and semi paste like over my head and started grinding it in. He started asking my name, occupation and likewise and I kept answering him in monosyllables, purposely murmuring so that he would get the notion across of my unwillingness to chat with him almost naked! Yet he kept at it, going on and on, commenting on how long my hair was and I would have to cut it if the medicine was to act effectively. Finally after tying a towel over my head, he asked me to get up. He pushed aside the chair and asked me to climb over to the large wooden table lying in the centre of the room. Imagine having nothing but the strategically tied loin cloth on your body and having to climb on to a tall table heads up, hoisting your rear end high up in all its glory for him to see. I finally lied down supine and closed my eyes , as I couldn’t bear looking at his face. I could hear some metal clank as he placed something on the end of the table, near my feet.
He started applying something over my feet, which felt warm.. Finally… .I thought. The warm oil massage. But why does it feel scrapy?? I asked him the same, and he replied
“This is not oil ,buddy. This is something that we call a choornam. Or in plain words, a type of fat exfoliant! I am gonna scrub this all over your body hard, so that it dislodges those stubborn fat in your body! ” and trailed off into laughter.
I was paralyzed. So this was not even an oil massage? And this guy is gonna scrub my precious fat off ? How on Rajinikanth’s earth is that even possible!? Soon I felt what he meant. He started going in a loop from my feet till my knees and I started feeling the burn. I couldn’t even move my body as he pressed down hard and kept going at it ,as if he was kneading into form ,dough for porotta! Soon he came to my thighs. If anyone of you out there is planning a suicide attempt like this, please be warned ; It takes every ounce of your manly control to force ( read plead and beg) your hypothalamus to not send signals down to any portion of your body, that’s gonna embarrass you to almighty shame, when a dude is running with a vengeance, his palms over your thighs and beyond. PERIOD! I tightly shut my eyes as he continued pounding my thighs .On top of it I felt to cry out with the intensity of his tearing up my skin with the paste.
Soon he came to the tummy. And that’s when he started off into a “Chinta ta ta Chita Chita, Chinta ta ta” kinda hand play over my tummy and chest, slapping down hard enough, to make me convulse up on the table. I whimpered as he ground my innards and I almost felt him digging inside my body and squeezing my kidneys and whatnot to pulp. All these while, I remembered my ‘sweet and loving mom’, vowing to one day take her to this very clinic and having a she hulk, do everything that this cousin of Khali was doing to me! But just as I was relaxing thinking that it’s over, the masseur, asked me to go prone! I did not have any more strength left in me to argue, and I meekly turned over and lied down. I felt him untying the strings and taking out that only piece of cloth that covered my ass, and tucked it between my legs. Ladies and gentlemen, Yes.. I was now officially FULLY NAKED, albeit lying prone .
Again he started from my feet and I again endured the pain of having my skin being scraped with the warm paste, upwards. Sooner than I expected he arrived at my ass and this time it was ” Dhadhang dhang dhang dhang, dhadhang dhang” that he played with his hands. I felt honestly a tear creeping its way from the corner of my eye, but I forced it back in, to keep at least one last piece of manliness with me. The masseur finished the session in over 1 hour. He then asked me to get up and move to the adjacent bathroom, to wash off the pastes and stuff over my body. I felt , looking into the bathroom mirror, that I had fallen yet again in that waste pit, back in college .
Finally I came out after the bath, my body burning every single inch and feeling like a plucked red chicken. Honestly I felt as if my entire body was not mine, and that I was in some kind of a suit that was covering my nakedness. The masseur ,I felt had lost around 5 kg from the time I had met him ,and I felt he was visibly tired himself. I felt a little satisfaction 😉
And this my friends, went on for 7 whole days. As for the weight loss and overall rejuvenation of body, I’m yet to show that six-pack and toned biceps. Keep looking out! 😀