Back to writing after 1.5 years..! Bruised, but still kicking it.

 

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That look-up, when in realization or utter confusion!

 

My last post was on Jan 2015 when I posted about the blues of being an entrepreneur and how not to suck being one! I had just started up my event management company and boy, did I have a story to tell.. 😀

1.5 years and 3 businesses later, I guess I’m more of an entrepreneur now and less of a writer. So I’m back with a vow to do so, more. Here are some crazy , weird observations/rants/understandings/life lessons/introspections that I’ve learned over this period.

  • Life is a bitch. Suck it up, keep going!

There were countless times I wanted to lock myself up and cry thinking of all the problems that kept popping up every so often and to which I couldn’t find a possible solution to. Yes, I thought of quitting, running away, taking up a daily job, driving Uber, freelancing or even going back to school. Things were more down than up. Optimism could only mask the issues temporarily and they were back, even more relentless, bigger.

But I understood the world simply doesn’t give two hoots about your worries or sadness and it keeps rotating. Unendingly.. And it’s then when I realized that no one preferred to listen to your whining, no matter how genuine your reasons were. This was the greatest realization (for mankind) I feel, after Archimedes’ one in the bath tub. And personally, I’m much more emotionally stable and contained than I ever was, and amazingly have become more adept at analyzing situations.

  • Your family is your foundation. Not your backup!

I have no shame in admitting that I always thought that I could fall back onto my family if things got worse . Getting into entrepreneurship, this was my backup plan. If shit happened, poof… back into the safe zone of the family. But gradually I started understanding the true value of family and that I had no right to shove my risks and troubles into my family, expecting them to come save the day. (Note : Till date neither did my family ever even hint about this nor will they ever , since they are epic!). I came to understand that I had to cut out my own path in this world and do so with my head and heart intact. This leads me to my third revelation which is…

  • … I’m slowly turning into an ‘Adult’!

Boy, was this a mighty revelation at all. Being the official family comedian and happy-go-lucky guy, I scoffed at anyone who asked me to be mature. I really did not agree with the viewpoint of being serious or thoughtful to be pre-requisite for being an adult. It was all in the right decisions and being a responsible funny guy , preached I. Nope.

I started thinking of life, career, future, savings and milestones in life. I couldn’t envision these things through any funny angle how much ever I tried. Life was molding me in its cogs to be an adult I realized. I no longer believed in partying until dropping dead, spending sleepless nights binge-watching movies, nor fill carts after carts through addictive online shopping (all of which I would have sworn by, didn’t make me any less an adult!). I started wearing formal ironed shirts for meetings, maintaining to-do lists, calendar markings,  and what not. Hell, I even started marking my emails with color tags in Gmail! I realized slowly but surely that being an adult isn’t about being any less funny or more serious ; it was simply about priorities and choices.

  • You need friends. You are no Superman!

If I stressed earlier about family , I can’t stress enough of having friends. Not the kind where there are thousands of them on your Facebook or Instagram, but you have no clue of who the person is. Rather those friends with whom you could hang out when you are happy/sad/angry/bitchy/nagging/high/elated/pissed or just basically any emotion on the human emotion spectrum, and still be yourself. It surely again doesn’t mean that you can be all emo and dependent on them (Refer point 1), but it helps give you perspectives that you can’t see. Luckily I have a few of them and I’m ever so grateful for them! I could kiss them outta love ! 😉

  • Failure is ok. Laziness/Procrastination not so!

I will accept once and for all, I’m born lazy. To put things in perspective, if there was a prize of million bucks and all I had to do was to just walk a kilometre for it, I would happily give that up and then later bluff of how charitable I was. I always procrastinated and thought light of the “gone time… blah blah blah.. time and tide.. blah blah” and believed in doing things at my own pace. My explanation (or rather an argument)? ” I should feel to do it. I can’t be forced!” Also, fear of failure/rejection/non-completion of things started etc made it, even more, harder for me.Well, entrepreneurship and life, in general, taught me rather clearly , how much of a naive man I was. I understood the effort mattered more than the achievement.

Proof I am improving? Heck, I’m blogging again after 1.5 years , am I not?! 😀

Well, I’ve got so much more to tell, but this is the gist of it all. Am I successful yet? Nope. Have I planned it all down to the last bit? Am I all serious and mature? Not at all. I hardly have any savings yet. But I’m learning, and with an open mind I keep finding new things in life, and I find inherently all of it a challenge. And I’m thankful for all that I have gone through in life. Cos’ as some old wise man said – It was those very paths that lead me to be who I am now!

Oh yeah!!

(drops mic)….. 😀

Engineering to Events management – The twisted paths of a new generation kid! Part III

This part had to take this long as mine and my friends love travails aren’t the best things to frankly, elaborate on. However I kept a promise and I have to keep it. And unfortunately there is no way to make this sound humorous, I’m afraid. The situations hurt. And I would like to share my vantage on all of it.

It’s a tale of pain, desperation, regret, whining, catharsis and redemption.

Reaching Chennai was frankly a bittersweet experience for all of us.All of us, in one way or another, adjusted . Some much well than others. Me not so well. Getting to use a mobile for the first time in 2006, which was a nokia 1110, was like getting a teleporter to a free world where my mom couldn’t eavesdrop on the other line and my dad couldn’t checklist my language. Initially though it was just a medium of device for my parents to call me up and ask me the day-to-day menu of my horrific mess, the tales of which I had described in more than graphic details to them. Such was the power and vividness of my description, that I remember to this day , my dad and mom and a couple of aunts, retched and threw up in their mouth . 😉

So back to the phone saga. Around November 2006, I came to know a friend of a friend, through purely chance. However since she had a phone, and I was already anxious to start using mine,  we exchanged numbers. Since I was always keeping it fun and genuine, slowly one thing lead to another, and soon we were going out. Let’s name here S. She was a final year M.Sc student, in one of the renowned women’s college in Chennai. S was a very fun, religious, ever smiling and chilled out girl and really brought new meanings to bubbly. For a hard-core romantic like me, she was the exact opposite. But still there used to be an aura around her, some sort of peace and fun and a kind of maturity, that I lacked . In short, it was bliss. I still remember the day that I shared this news with Gregary lying on the national highway interstate truckers parking area, tummy full after our midnight dinner, staring at the stars and just enjoying the moment. The moment I blurted out, his eyes widened and he displayed his 28 teeth, grinning ear to ear.

Greg – “Aliya, ninnaku line aayi alle… Jango Jango !! “ ( So you are hooked! Awesome! )

Even I felt happy to share with him and slowly to others about , the love of my life. But it wasn’t long lived. Talks of marriage had started at S’s place and she said that things wouldn’t be easy. Since I was in 2nd year of engineering and had yet 2 more years of expiry for hell, I couldn’t do much but ask her to take up a job in Chennai and wait. Likewise I hunted and found a job for her , ready for her to join by June . I still remember the last day we saw each other at Chennai central railway station, where she was to depart for a 1 month hiatus with family , before joining for her new job. We held hands, in the heavy rush and frantic atmosphere of the station, and she said everything would be alright. And she would be back soon. As the train pulled out, I couldn’t move from my spot, and I kept waving half walking and half running through the platform till, the train pulled out finally.

Back in hostel, nothing seemed right. I skipped meals(which was not a big deal, as I anyways did , thanks to the hairy minion), and I bunked classes. I badly wanted the month to get over , as the non communication was killing me. She couldn’t talk as her’s was a joint family and there was no means of privacy she had said. It took immense ascetic equivalent patience, to not take the phone and just dial her. The month slowly but gradually got over and June came. However , no call came. For the first time in 1 month, I rang her up. What greeted me was a network message, that the subscriber’s number was not in use. I kept ringing like a mad man every 1 hour, for the next  1 month. She hadn’t joined her new job, and none of her friends had any idea of her whereabouts. I had all but become a shell of my spirited and jovial nature, moody, cranky and snapping rudely at my friends for any reason. Gregary was there by my side and did his best to console me, which sadly was a lost cause.

2 months later, one of my junior’s sister was getting married and many of them left to kerala, to coincidentally my girlfriends hometown. I told 2 of my closest juniors Finaz and Praveen, to somehow get any info possible from her town. They promised they would. I waited for their call as the marriage date approached. They had said, once the function was over in the noon they would leave and investigate. I got a call around 2.30 pm and it was Praveen. This is how the conversation went

Praveen – “ Ivinetta, I’ve something to tell. But first ask Gregary to come and be with you.

Me – “ Tell me what the hell is it!? “

Praveen – “ Please at least go and be with him”

Me- “ Just tell me the f*** what is it!

Praveen – ” I saw S here with her husband. They married 2 months back and Arjun’s( junior) sister, is her friend.

That’s the last thing I remembered as I blacked out . After a while , I remember Gregary and few others slapping me back to this cruel reality which had bitch slapped me. Let me not go into the wretched details and show you a depressing picture of what followed from there on. But rest assured, I collapsed from everything that I once was. Became a loner, started obsessively thinking of suicide and other stereotype shenanigans, but only worse. And like that I remained for the next 2 years .  Later on many of my friends got lost in this void too. Even the so-called anti valentine, my best buddy greg. And that too, to a girl who came behind him, forced her love on him and made him accept her. I was happy for him too . But unfortunately, I don’t know till today for what reason, she dumped him. Likewise my other friends Jayakrishnan, Hari, and a lot more who prefer not to be named.

I wouldn’t say what happened to me was the worst thing in life. I’ve had much more worse things . However , now I just don’t feel nor care anymore. I just want to live a good life and contributing some happiness and lots of kindness to this world. Hopefully.

Today by the grace of god, my ever supporting parents and my rocking always ready to back up friends, I’ve finally entered the world of event management. It was a big jump, after my tryst with engineering and found that though I love the science of it, I wouldn’t probably want to do it day in and day out for a living. However if you ask me if this is what I’m set in, I wouldn’t say yes either. I am a jack of lots of trades. I would like to form a band one day with few of my close friends. I would like to travel the world. I would like to act in a realistic movie. I would like to hopefully one day start my own charity organization to reach out to the needy children in this world. But now I need to get over my quarter life crisis. And everything I do right now, leads to it.

And that was my new generation twisted paths from engineering to event management. Hope you guys were on this with me from the start and could relate to the joys and pains of my wonderful college life. Do let me know your feedbacks in the comments section. Will be waiting to hear from you , all your views and opinions.