Engineering to Events management – The twisted paths of a new generation kid! Part III

This part had to take this long as mine and my friends love travails aren’t the best things to frankly, elaborate on. However I kept a promise and I have to keep it. And unfortunately there is no way to make this sound humorous, I’m afraid. The situations hurt. And I would like to share my vantage on all of it.

It’s a tale of pain, desperation, regret, whining, catharsis and redemption.

Reaching Chennai was frankly a bittersweet experience for all of us.All of us, in one way or another, adjusted . Some much well than others. Me not so well. Getting to use a mobile for the first time in 2006, which was a nokia 1110, was like getting a teleporter to a free world where my mom couldn’t eavesdrop on the other line and my dad couldn’t checklist my language. Initially though it was just a medium of device for my parents to call me up and ask me the day-to-day menu of my horrific mess, the tales of which I had described in more than graphic details to them. Such was the power and vividness of my description, that I remember to this day , my dad and mom and a couple of aunts, retched and threw up in their mouth . 😉

So back to the phone saga. Around November 2006, I came to know a friend of a friend, through purely chance. However since she had a phone, and I was already anxious to start using mine,  we exchanged numbers. Since I was always keeping it fun and genuine, slowly one thing lead to another, and soon we were going out. Let’s name here S. She was a final year M.Sc student, in one of the renowned women’s college in Chennai. S was a very fun, religious, ever smiling and chilled out girl and really brought new meanings to bubbly. For a hard-core romantic like me, she was the exact opposite. But still there used to be an aura around her, some sort of peace and fun and a kind of maturity, that I lacked . In short, it was bliss. I still remember the day that I shared this news with Gregary lying on the national highway interstate truckers parking area, tummy full after our midnight dinner, staring at the stars and just enjoying the moment. The moment I blurted out, his eyes widened and he displayed his 28 teeth, grinning ear to ear.

Greg – “Aliya, ninnaku line aayi alle… Jango Jango !! “ ( So you are hooked! Awesome! )

Even I felt happy to share with him and slowly to others about , the love of my life. But it wasn’t long lived. Talks of marriage had started at S’s place and she said that things wouldn’t be easy. Since I was in 2nd year of engineering and had yet 2 more years of expiry for hell, I couldn’t do much but ask her to take up a job in Chennai and wait. Likewise I hunted and found a job for her , ready for her to join by June . I still remember the last day we saw each other at Chennai central railway station, where she was to depart for a 1 month hiatus with family , before joining for her new job. We held hands, in the heavy rush and frantic atmosphere of the station, and she said everything would be alright. And she would be back soon. As the train pulled out, I couldn’t move from my spot, and I kept waving half walking and half running through the platform till, the train pulled out finally.

Back in hostel, nothing seemed right. I skipped meals(which was not a big deal, as I anyways did , thanks to the hairy minion), and I bunked classes. I badly wanted the month to get over , as the non communication was killing me. She couldn’t talk as her’s was a joint family and there was no means of privacy she had said. It took immense ascetic equivalent patience, to not take the phone and just dial her. The month slowly but gradually got over and June came. However , no call came. For the first time in 1 month, I rang her up. What greeted me was a network message, that the subscriber’s number was not in use. I kept ringing like a mad man every 1 hour, for the next  1 month. She hadn’t joined her new job, and none of her friends had any idea of her whereabouts. I had all but become a shell of my spirited and jovial nature, moody, cranky and snapping rudely at my friends for any reason. Gregary was there by my side and did his best to console me, which sadly was a lost cause.

2 months later, one of my junior’s sister was getting married and many of them left to kerala, to coincidentally my girlfriends hometown. I told 2 of my closest juniors Finaz and Praveen, to somehow get any info possible from her town. They promised they would. I waited for their call as the marriage date approached. They had said, once the function was over in the noon they would leave and investigate. I got a call around 2.30 pm and it was Praveen. This is how the conversation went

Praveen – “ Ivinetta, I’ve something to tell. But first ask Gregary to come and be with you.

Me – “ Tell me what the hell is it!? “

Praveen – “ Please at least go and be with him”

Me- “ Just tell me the f*** what is it!

Praveen – ” I saw S here with her husband. They married 2 months back and Arjun’s( junior) sister, is her friend.

That’s the last thing I remembered as I blacked out . After a while , I remember Gregary and few others slapping me back to this cruel reality which had bitch slapped me. Let me not go into the wretched details and show you a depressing picture of what followed from there on. But rest assured, I collapsed from everything that I once was. Became a loner, started obsessively thinking of suicide and other stereotype shenanigans, but only worse. And like that I remained for the next 2 years .  Later on many of my friends got lost in this void too. Even the so-called anti valentine, my best buddy greg. And that too, to a girl who came behind him, forced her love on him and made him accept her. I was happy for him too . But unfortunately, I don’t know till today for what reason, she dumped him. Likewise my other friends Jayakrishnan, Hari, and a lot more who prefer not to be named.

I wouldn’t say what happened to me was the worst thing in life. I’ve had much more worse things . However , now I just don’t feel nor care anymore. I just want to live a good life and contributing some happiness and lots of kindness to this world. Hopefully.

Today by the grace of god, my ever supporting parents and my rocking always ready to back up friends, I’ve finally entered the world of event management. It was a big jump, after my tryst with engineering and found that though I love the science of it, I wouldn’t probably want to do it day in and day out for a living. However if you ask me if this is what I’m set in, I wouldn’t say yes either. I am a jack of lots of trades. I would like to form a band one day with few of my close friends. I would like to travel the world. I would like to act in a realistic movie. I would like to hopefully one day start my own charity organization to reach out to the needy children in this world. But now I need to get over my quarter life crisis. And everything I do right now, leads to it.

And that was my new generation twisted paths from engineering to event management. Hope you guys were on this with me from the start and could relate to the joys and pains of my wonderful college life. Do let me know your feedbacks in the comments section. Will be waiting to hear from you , all your views and opinions.

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6 things that I never stop thinking

A good long hike can be a time of much needed introspection it isn't too bad for your body either

There was a time when I just wanted to be 18. To get my license. To get out of school. To love. To ride a bike. To roam around. To just be free. As the time has gone by, now when I think back, did i really get what I wanted? I ‘ve been thinking of this for the past days, and tormenting myself a lot. Unlike my predominant theme of humour, which I like to blog about, I think this deviates a long way from that. This is harsh. Like they say, the truth always is bitter. Or bittersweet.

These are the things ,in no particular order, that have been giving me sleepless nights..

1. Career

I wanted to be rich , successful, famous, charitable, smart , a mover and shaker in this world. Have I really come to that? Well truth be told, I have chosen a different career path from what I was trained for. Or forced for. Am I happy? Yes . I am. Am I secure? No. I am not. I realise that those long away dreams of money, fame and what not, are not that easily attainable in today’s world. Unless you make a viral YouTube video, you possess a good pair of vocal cords, or you do something so absurd, that you propel yourself into the spotlights of this world, there is every chance that you are just going to live a very mediocre life. However I don’t possess nor have done anything in the said list. What I do have is ambition, and tons of creative thoughts swirling in the grey matter in my brain. I might have to channel them soon, for making at least a leeway into my dreams.

2. Marriage/ Love

I was a very passionate believer in the perfect love concept. I believed that if you love a person with all your heart that’s all that matters. But life proved me wrong. It showed me what matters in love is not the sincerity, but its your bank balance and car. I know this is going to sound clichéd but it’s unfortunately true to majority of relationships. I am not going to give a chance to anyone to call me a chauvinist or an anti feminist, because I am neither. I am a scarred person who has had his belief in love shattered to pieces. However, I am not going to go that far as to say, that its someone else’s fault and not mine at all. I am a human. I have erred. In my transformation, from a teenager to an adult (subject to contradiction my mom says), I have bumbled, said and done really stupid things, been a jerk, in general, been human. That’s the best way I can put it. Now I just hope one day, this wont just be a thought in my head anymore. It should just go away for good.

3. Friends

I’ve been blessed in my life, to have had amazing friends over the period of my life, till this moment. And I’ve seen them all. The  thinker, the doer, the freaky, the cheater, the backstabber, the  happy-go-lucky, the philosopher, the miser, the untrustworthy, the mad, the psycho, the drug addict, the alcoholic, the heart-broken, the back up, the honest, the frank, the studious and a hell lot more categories. All these people, have somehow or the other thought me the value of friendship. Though not all of them lessons are happy memories, I did learn over time, how to gauge friendships and evaluate people. But in the end, I am happy for all of them who came into my life, be it to stay, or to teach, or to cheat. I am what I am , because of them. No regrets. Maybe one or two.

4. Family

I have to say over the period of time, this has been a love hate relationship for me. When I was a child, I used to think that my parents are the worst people to have as parents. And my sister , the evil incarnate. ( Never my brother. Not yet.. ;)) I have slept crying and thinking why on earth did these people give birth to me. Particularly the school phase, when every thought of progress report and open house meeting was sheer terror for me. Maybe my dad was not the art of living type. Maybe he believed in pushing a bit now and then. When I went to college, it was a sigh of relief. But then the unthinkable happened. I started missing them. I missed the scoldings and the thrashing. I missed my mom’s food. I missed fighting with my sister. I yearned for times with them. Every time my parents called me on phone to hostel, I was tearing up, wanting to be with them. Over the time , I gradually learnt to not be emotional about it. And now back in Dubai, finally staying with them. I’m back to square one. I hate them!! 🙂

5. Meaning of Life

You wont believe how many sleepless nights I’ve had just thinking and speculating the meaning of my existence. It might sound all deep and shit, but trust me, I bet my life saying all of you reading this has thought of the same. And probably in the same place. Lying on your bed. Staring either to the ceiling, or into the darkness. I just have reached that point when I just don’t care anymore. I just want to live my life fully, share kindness, help people with whatever I can, be a good friend, a good brother, a good father, and most importantly a good son ( can’t really commit to that, dad, still I’m trying ok! ;)), go around the world, try my best not to hurt people. In short, Probably a worthy life where in the end, people are going to be genuinely sad when I’m no more but a name. That would be a good life.

6. Music

This is something that has been a constant lifeline for me since 11th standard. I still remember fondly the moment when I was introduced to the ‘Linkin Park’ , by god knows who, in my entrance coaching centre. I remember automatically, I started head banging to the beats. And then I still remember all the more my first band with my dear friends Hari, JK, Nikhil,Nipun and Vinu. We sang for the first time the song “Seasons in the sun” of ‘Westlife’, for our senior’s farewell party. I remember the moment in all its nostalgia and clarity even now. From then on , I’ve graduated to listening to songs in almost 7 languages, writing my own songs, and standing plans of forming a band with my best buddy Greg. I just wish to almighty , I always , have this one thing in my life, which is part of my character, my mould and my soul.

Having said this, I don’t mean to define myself to you neither to the world. I felt maybe there could be at least one of you who could relate to these thoughts of mine. Maybe comment about what could be done better. Maybe just an acknowledgement ,that things will turn out better, because they did for you. Or maybe it’s just to know that in the end, I did speak out things on my mind. And you all knew it.