Yallah Habibi, Miss America Nina Davuluri !

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This is kind of like a field day for me. Majorly because I was thinking of something really nice to rant about, and few hours back, any bloggers dream come true, piece of news is born.. It came from the prestigious Miss America 2014 pageant and was truly unique. But before I dive into this post, let me take a moment to send out a heartfelt holler to all you bold and visionary girls who participated. You all are true epitome of class and intelligence and each one of you have my utmost respect. cool

Now going to the “shocking news” (drumroll please…..  ) 😉

An Indian descent girl Miss. Nina Davuluri crowned Miss America 2014 !! 😯

ROFL.. These are the moments when I say really loud ( in my mind), IN YOUR FACE BEYAAATCH ! 😛 I mean if you guys follow-up the various tweets that are currently piling up based on this, rest assured, you are gonna laugh your grandma’s stockings off. Here’s one

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(Holding my stomach, and laughing till my innards threaten to spill out) How on Rajinikanth’s earth, first of all (assuming ‘Mr Pookie’ [that’s an actual name? Congrats mate ! ] read the news, before he jumped the gun as he does on the bed :P) did he associate the name Nina Davuluri to that of an Arab. With all due respect, does it even match the awesomeness of rocking Arab names like “Mamon-el-toleton” , “Grabb Ir Boubi” , “Hous Bin Fharteen” and the icing on the cake, “Osama bin Hidin”. (Psst.. Try reading them loud 😉 ). Secondly, dude, be it an Arab or an Indian,  didn’t you guys naturalize them and gave them the 51 star-studded flag to pin on their chests and make them slog, to achieve the illusionary American Dream? And now, ‘Miss America’ shouldn’t go to Miss-Ethnic-Naturalised-Indian American ! Definitely low standards. Ah! But then weren’t you the same folks, who found zilch in Iraq after claiming, that Uncle Sam had seen WMD being shat out of Saddam’s ass right? confused

Moving on.. Here’s the next one

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Huh?eek Yea bro. You just topped the class of ‘Indophobic Anonymous’ for the most camouflaged racist comment! 😡 I mean, quoting you ” .. but this is America ” , what exactly was on your mind? Let me pick your brains,  since you are technically of higher IQ, as suggested by the infamous Lynn IQ study of 2006, that White Americans stand at 103 IQ while Indians were just at 80 IQ. lol  Here’s the incomes based on ethnicity that Uncle Sam ‘has to’ pay for us low IQ Indians

Personal median incomes (from the 2010 US Census):

  • $26,000 Japan
  • $26,000 India
  • $23,640 White America
  • $23,000 Philippines
  • $20,000 China
  • $16,300 Black America
  • $16,300 South Korea
  • $16,000 Vietnam
  • $16,000 Cambodia

Sigh ! Guess it’s because we are hardcore fans of Mentos. As they say in the tagline, “Dimaag ki batti jala de” exclaim

Here’s the next one that mainly lighted up my spark for this blog.. (hold your breath)

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ROFL ! This is the first thing that came on my mind reading this ( while inside my mind, I’ve already chopped De La’s balls off and made authentic Indian curry :P) . I mean if we were so capable of infiltrating the Al Qaeda, rest assured bro, we wouldn’t be so messed up , as now. rolleyes Honestly , we might be bigotic, fanatics, and what not, but terrorism is just not our cup of lime juice. 😛 If asked to bomb a place, we would first update our status on Facebook with the side note “feeling awesome” mrgreen And then we would, tell it to our best girl friend, or our best blackmailers worldwide , our moms. From there, the girls are pretty capable of gossiping so fast, that it would put to shame Usain Bolt, his world record of 9.58 sec raped! So now you see, when you congratulated Al Qaeda, you have just put to task, pointlessly your own CIA and FBI , who are gonna go meth crazy, to find links between Miss Nina and Al Qaeda, and then come up with a 2984 page report down the lane, claiming Miss Nina’s great grandmother’s second cousin’s twin fraternal brother twice removed had once sold ganja to a weary Al Qaeda militant. Good Luck gal Nina.. You are gonna need it ! 😛

My point? Well Nina sweet heart, congratulations on you winning the title and hats off for your strong indomitable spirit. But you know what? I suggest you return the title and crown ASAP ! Not because of the trade mark Indian phenomenon, of not being able to see a fellow Indian achieve laurels ( all verifiable neutral ) , but years from now, after being racially spat upon by Uncle Sam’s banana and colada munching minions, being thrown around on twittersphere, and finally in old age, being made to acknowledge an autobiography , possibly written by an Indian (we find it so awesome to highlight our own kin’s faults and playing devils advocate), you are gonna come back to that moment shown in the picture above. You in tears when being crowned, and then thinking whether you were actually happy or you just had a vision of all this bullcrap! 😉

Just telling .. As Russel Peters says, TAKE IT’H OR LEAVE IT’H ! lol

Living in the ‘Now’ ..

I will admit that this wasn’t a topic I was planning to blog on so soon . But since my friend Sharon suggested, that I “feel” the topic and try summarising the gist of it, I took up the challenge. Like I have made it clear always, I am always up for a good challenge. Except when it comes from Chuck Norris. That’s one dude you all should steer away from.  Nuf said !

Coming to the topic, we all have heard and forgotten a million times the adage that we should stop and smell the roses. (provided they are not biogenetically enhanced varieties courtesy of  BJP. Oh ! Aren’t they lotus? Whatever..) . In a world when every other week Samsung is launching consecutive versions of its S series (basically the same phone but with different set of wallpapers !) , and corporates are being acquired by other corporates to form bigger corporates ( READ MICROSOFT ACQUIRED NOKIA 😛 ), it’s really tasking to stay rooted in our current life . Also since the arrival of facebook, it’s all the more impossible to forget your past, especially when your ex girlfriend who dumped you has posted her honeymoon pics in switzerland, wearing the shortest of dresses , revealing parts unreavealed in your tryst with her! (Inspired by true Events) 😉

What I’m trying to say is , the world is ever so smaller and the people inhabiting are ever so closer (to the point of practically groping) . Day in and day out you have memories, thoughts, pictures, songs, videos, places and most importantly people blasting from the past and slapping you in the face, making you either wince or smile in nostalgia. I’ve had few of my friends call me up at 2 am midnight and say

Aliya, Avalde ormakal aada oranam adichapol ! 

[For those of you uninitiated in the language of Malayalam which recently acquired heritage status it translates as – ” Dude, After boozing, its her memories haunting me ! “] .

I usually deliver a string of choice expletives (without the hashtag !) and switch of my phone! I mean if he knows , he is gonna have this nostalgic chewing the cud scenario, why the hell then booze! Ah.. But then who could resist the smell of Jack Daniel’s, eh bro’s? 😉

Personally am an emotional train wreck when it comes to handling these past memories and thoughts of my future prospects. They just hit me and freeze me up until either my mom conks me on my head and does an opera of the highest pitch known to man, or until I just get tired of wallowing in my sorrows. Whatever, it’s done deal that I just throw away precious 3 – 4 hours in this self pity and nerve wrecking tension. And then I spent another 3 – 4 hours thinking why do i do that ! Talk about needing counselling. 😛

The best solution I have seen is in the form of my superhuman parents. Especially my mom, who has a scary knack of recognizing my mood from even the dress i wear! This is a typical conversation that happens one morning

Mom (using her system) – “So what is it today ? “

Me ( just walking in to the room after dressing for office) -“What ! “

Mom ( Smirking and looking at her system with a neutral face ) – ” Is it friends, past life or job? “

Me – ” WHAT!! pfffttt…! Am fine.. What are you blabbering?” ( I wonder at these times how on earth did I win best actor awards in school days for cultural fests ! I royally suck in hiding my surprise at her ambush! )

Mom ( still smirking, turns finally to face me, and delivers point blank, her classic trademark copyrighted dialogue) – ” Ninne njana pette, allathe nee enne alla !!

[ Translation – “I gave birth to you bwoy, not vice versa! “]

GAME OVER !! All the air whooshes out of me , and I pour out my heart. She listens and nods and then tells

” Are you going to go back in time and make it right? No . Then try avoiding the same ,if your smart ( a definite jab! ) , and get on with your otherwise wonderful life, which your dad and me are ensuring is pretty much okay”.

I just feel to hug her then, but I wont be caught dead showing her my relief. 😛 I stand straight , puff up my chest again with air, smirk and say “Whatever” , and run for my car. So much to show what few remains of my male chauvinist pride. But what she has said is such a stunning and absurdly beautiful cosmic truth, that I hug her like a child, who had a bad dream, in my thoughts. (Now you know mom! And hold that tongue for that sarcastic dialogue you just had formulating. Not interested ! 😛 )

Eventually as my wise superwoman told me, I don’t have to shun the past , to hide its after effects. All I have to realise and go on with, is the simple thought that what I became now , is a result of my past, however difficult it might have been. I just have to learn from the travelled paths where i slipped , and imbibe a certain common sense (rarest commodity in India, particularly in politics and movies) , to notice that rut on the road , where I slipped.  As for those of you , who ask “So what then about your future plans and worries? “

One of my earliest heroes from the science world has an awesome statement that I would like to deliver in trademark Rajini style

“I never think of the future – it comes soon enough.” – Albert Einstein 😛